A letter to the present

Dear 30-year old Misty,

Soooo. 30 huh. Not as dreadful as we thought it would be. Could have been better. But what else could be better than marrying your best friend? Hahaha! Right? Told you it would get better.

Misty, I would like to affirm you for how you have carried yourself through the past 2 decades. You were definitely not alone, God was always there for you every step of the way, no matter how much you’ve strayed off the path, He was there with you, and know that He will always be.

I wanna affirm how you have fought your way through life, it was honestly a different picture from what you initially wanted when you were 16, but, you came out strong. All those ideals that you had then, on how you wanted to have a career, and how you were going to be successful by the time you were 25, 16-year old you would be crushed when she realizes that it’s not what you wanted anymore. But she will have learned that it’s okay if dreams change and that what matters is how you redirect yourself to the path towards what you want now. Well, not just what you want solely, but what God really desires for your life. We need to listen more on that.

I wanna affirm how you constantly fight off any conventional expectations that people have in your life and really knowing where you are, and for being so teachable and open-minded for all the challenges that come with that. But you are so stubborn about your principles and beliefs. You have always been. I just still don’t know whether that’s good or bad. But so far, it rid us of the toxicity from certain people and situations. So, I guess that’s good?

I also wanna affirm how you’ve handled yourself with your insecurities. It wasn’t the best, but I am so glad that you finally understand where you are, and how people can be in different seasons in their lives. You know, how  one can be in the season of taking root somewhere, and look outside and see other people having the time of their lives being up and about, traveling, going places to where they’ve never been, making things happen, ticking off items on their bucket lists, or you know, they could be that other person, experiencing all these things, and also looking at people who are settling down, being stable and establishing a foundation, building a home and a family,  and maybe, just maybe, they want that too.

And also, you know, factor in that human beings are never satisfied, always wanting more of something, never being satisfied or content with what they have.

But anyway, do you understand what I’m trying to say? People are different. People are in different seasons in their lives, and that’s why you don’t compare. I know you’ve recently learned that, and I am so thankful that you took that better than I thought you would. But about 5 or more years back, you were so terrible. Oh, that was too much. I think that was one of the worst reasons for your anxieties.

I am sorry that you’ve experienced those terrible times. I remember how you would bawl and just wanting to curl yourself like a ball and not go out. I remember how you put certain people on a pedestal because you admired them so much because you want to be like them, and be LIKED by them. But remember sweetie, it wasn’t wrong to feel that way. Of course, it was normal to like someone, and be liked by them, what was wrong was when you started forgetting who you really were, and you let them influence you, just so you can belong. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that happened, and I pray that you will forgive yourself for that. I know that you’ve learned not to regret anything that has happened in your life, because they all come with gems of wisdom, and you learn from them. However, one thing that I think you have not learned yet is to forgive yourself for those. But how do you forgive yourself? What does forgiveness entail? Acceptance and repentance? Yes, and co-existing with those facts, and still pushing forward. You are on your way there. And I hope you keep going.

And of course, knowing what kind of life you want to live is important. It’s extremely important.

You can’t just keep going through life without a destination. Especially now. Now that you have Q. For life. You are literally not going to be alone now.

From now on you have to define your destination, define all the pit stops that you’re going to do,  and how you actually want to get there. It doesn’t have to be a solid, foolproof plan, I mean seriously, who has that? But yes, make sure you leave some room for those detours—off the beaten path, those road less-traveled, because sometimes they provide the best adventures and experience. Okay?

Lastly, it’s okay if you don’t have it all figured out, and you’re scared. I know you are. I know I am. Hahaha! But, just don’t allow yourself to be paralyzed by those fears and anxieties again. Be honest with yourself, and know that you don’t have to deal with them on your own this time. Don’t forget Q is there, and he’s willing to be with you through all of that. But also, don’t give him such a hard time. There’s only much that the man can do. Seriously. Okay?

Pray often. Read the Bible as much as you can. Always seek comfort in God first, and not in the things of this world. This world can never fill the void in your heart. Only He can.

Take courage and always trust in Him,

30-year & 11 days old you