A letter to the past

Dear 20-year old Misty,

So, new decade huh. How’s that like? A new adventure awaits you, especially now that you’re going to the school of your dreams! This is a tiny step towards Juilliard! Hahaha! We’re still on that, right?

How’s your heart? Must be hard still to get over Quintin. Don’t worry, just give yourself some time, it will all be better. Trust me. I’ve been there. Who knows, you’ll get back together. 😉

How’s your friendship with Dawn? Shaky? I wouldn’t blame you if you don’t trust her anymore. That b*tch be shady af. You have every reason to doubt her. And oh please, please, get away from Jasper. Ugh. Don’t even. That is all just transfer of affection. You don’t actually love him. Ew ew ew. It will all be revealed soon. So hang on. You might fail to trust people again after this, but please don’t shut your heart. A lot of people will break your trust, and you will break theirs too, but the worst you can do is to completely shut your heart to all of this. You will not live your life fully if you don’t put your heart out there. You are strong. And whatever happens, it will just make you stronger.

Anyway, congratulations on your first ever job! It’s exciting! You’ll get to teach music now. The studio is a bit far though, but I think you like this job enough to literally go the distance, right? Aww, and you’ll get to meet your first students. You will love them! They’re every bit adorable, especially that 4-year old! Watch out for her!

My dear Misty, your 20s will have many of the pivotal moments in your life, and you will look back and remember it, without regret, okay, maybe some, but all those experiences will teach you to be graceful on letting go, be more forgiving with yourself, appreciative and content with the present, and to move forward no matter how tough it’s going to be. You are strong. You will endure all the hardships and failures you will encounter. You’ve always had that sunny outlook on life, and don’t you ever lose that sunshine from inside you.

You also need to remember that you will not be alone in this. You have your family, even though it’s tough to deal with them sometimes, but they love you so much, and always, always wants the best for you. Don’t break Mama’s heart so much.

You will have your constants, Shai Shai and Chami, as well. It’s going to be tough for the 3 of you to keep in touch on some days, but they will always have your back. Always keep that in mind. However you may feel, don’t be afraid to share it to them, in one way or another, they have probably experienced that too, and will be the first few who will understand you, even if you don’t understand yourself sometimes.

There will also be people who will make you feel good about yourself, AND then make you feel bad about yourself. Crazy, right? You’ll know what it’s like. It’s a crazy world with a lot of crazy people. Some will also take advantage of your kindness. Some will even try to fix you, probably because they feel the need to fix someone else, other than their own lives. Those people are the ones who THINK that they know better how to live your life. It’s one thing to care, and it’s another when they actually think they know you enough to fix your life for you. Nope, steer clear away from that.

You’re probably also going to meet a whole new different set of friends, and it will be fun! Oh, it will be so much fun. Do watch out for people who will end up abusing your naivete. Let them think you’re gullible and don’t have a childhood compared to the rest of them (only because you haven’t seen a lot of Disney films), at least you have way better self-help and social skills than the rest of them, because you actually went out and played with kids out in the dirt. Hahahaha! But, seriously, don’t take it to heart. You don’t need to do what they do, for you to be able to accept yourself or belong with them. You are you. Your beautiful, child-like enthusiasm with the things that you love and will love will bring you further and will be crucial in your journey towards your dream. (Which you will probably realize around your 22nd birthday.) ***spoiler alert***

You will also be letting go of many things and people in your life. And that’s okay because that means you’re making room for what will come, who knows it will be for something better. So, gracefully let them go, one by one.

Lastly, don’t forget that God is on your side. He has seen you through in many places and moments in your life. If anything, He’s the one who understands you most. He did put you here in the first place. Seriously, there’s no better place to be than in the center of His will. Always remember that. Find your security in Him. What you do, or fail to do, will not define your worth in His eyes. You are valued. You are loved. Remember that.

Oh, and Misty, continue to love yourself. You won’t be able to give out love when you don’t even have love for yourself. That’s very important. Okay? 🙂

I’m always looking out for you.

Love from the future,

30-year old you