Slowly turning the gears of blogging again

Last Monday, I made a public declaration on my Twitter account that I will be updating my blog within this week. As I went through that day, I had that goal hanging in my mind, and just wracking my brains on what to talk about on this long overdue update. I went home straight away after getting off work, excited about what I would be sharing here. It’s a little weird for me to share things here that I’ve already written in my private diary. Though I have already accepted the fact that this blog is already like an online journal of sorts, I still do want to put something new here. But in all honesty, I really have no idea. So I am just going to let loose a little and see what I can come up with.

For now, a few life updates:

I got engaged!

That’s definitely one big life update that I have not shared here yet, in detail. I mentioned previously that I was going to talk about how the proposal happened in a separate entry, BUT, my brilliant fiance made a video of our trip and also captured that moment, so I don’t think another entry would be necessary. It was a simple yet lovely moment that I will treasure for as long as I live.

Moving back to Dumaguete City

A month or so after getting engaged I moved back to my second home, Dumaguete City. It was a decision I’ve made a few months back. I mean, I’ve thought about coming back already for a time, but I was always going back and forth about making the decision. I guess I was scared of being back and facing everything (my failures here) again. After several things that arose, I’ve finally made the decision, to move back here, whatever it takes. There were just so many things going on, and it was just pushing me to the brink of insanity. All the pressure, disappointments, anger, and sadness that I had to face each day was making me so depressed. And the choice to live with that, or move away from all that, was just all on me. I had those choices in my hand, and I made a choice, a difficult one, but, it was the choice that made me feel certain, amidst the whirlwind of chaos that was going on in my life. By making that choice I stood my ground for my own sanity, that it doesn’t matter if people won’t understand. And I knew that I had to do it.

I made all the necessary preparations, and on the 17th of August, I left home once again.

Creative Central Co

In my previous entry from months ago, I talked about not pursuing any passion projects and focused on old hobbies that I loved to do. During all those time, I was brought back to the scribbles I made in my notebook from 2011 and 2015. It was all scribbles of ideas about a place that I wanted to have so like-minded people can converge and connect with each other. It was more of a book cafe, really, with spaces where we can have events and workshops, and create things. There’s also a space devoted for kids as well, where they can have an entire space and environment prepared for them, while the grown-ups can stay in the cafe and read, or have coffee, or both. It’s a lovely thought, right? Yeah, at the moment my mind has been occupied by that vision. While I have no means of having that space (yet), I wanted to create an avenue where I can meet different creatives, and somehow connect with them, with the possibility of collaboration, and creating a community of creatives that supports fellow creatives, and those that want to pursue the creative life no matter who they are, what they do, and where they are in their lives. It’s overwhelming when I think about it, but I’m taking my time and see where it takes me. For now, I only have the Instagram account @creativecentralco and our TinyLetter where I will be sharing some stories and conversations with people or even with ourselves, towards our pursuit of a creative life, hopefully in the coming 2019.

Moving forward

Despite all the challenges I’ve encountered this year, I am still willing to keep going towards a more uncertain future. There’s really no other way but forward. I’ve learned, unlearned, and re-learned many things, and I will take all of that with me as I approach another year. I have so many doubts and fears, and I tear myself apart each day questioning every thought and decision that I have made thus far. I grit my teeth, take a deep breath, and use the same stubbornness I have in doing things on my own, to keep going. Converting my frustration and anger to stubbornness in doing things my way has been effective so far. I know it’s not healthy, but I needed to channel it somewhere.

There are still so many things I have yet to talk about, but I’ll save that for another time. I also have a queue of posts on my Trello board from months ago that has been unfinished, so I might finish those first too, even if it’s already late.

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