So, I’m alive. A little loopy still, but functioning, nonetheless.
Five months have passed and this is the only time I’ve published an entry here. After how many attempts to publish one, I always end up just leaving some of it as drafts, but today, I’m finally breaking my blog hiatus.
So, for those 5 months that passed, a lot of things have happened. A lot of bad and great things, which I will not talk about here, as they are personal. I’ve decided to draw some lines with how I present myself online. But more on this later.
First thing’s first, I revived my old reading blog from 2013! The reason for that is so that I can actually find inspiration to devote some time to write out my thoughts as I journey towards Middle Earth this entire year. It’s an old WordPress account, and I’m using it because there are more follows there, so more possible interaction, compared to here in my personal blog. I will also post the stuff on that blog here as well whenever I can. This place could use a few fun posts every now and then.
This idea came to me when I created an IG account devoted to my reading goal this year. I was inspired by the #tolkientribe on Instagram. My reading goal this year is to read books on Middle Earth as much as I can.
So far I already finished The Silmarillion and The Hobbit.
On a side note, I miss doing things like this, like doing it purely for fun. No strings attached, and no pressure to produce content, or to create a perfectly structured content. I haven’t exactly published much on my blog, actually none at all worth mentioning, but every time I think of creating a blog entry, it always ends up like a daunting task, because I get overwhelmed with so many things to keep in mind when I write, sometimes I can’t even keep up with it.
Blogging for me from the very start was really just a form of an outlet and a way to express myself. That’s how it was years back when I started, circa 2004-2005.
And, I’ve realized that this is what I need sometimes — doing things to have fun and not turning everything into a passion project or building a community or thinking of creating profits from it. Or even thinking of offering something of value every time. Nothing of that. Just plain having fun, and in this case, right now, enjoying the process and experience of reading and writing with no pressure at all.
And honestly, I think I may need to break away from all that notion about passion projects for a short while, and also away from social media as well. Well, mostly Facebook, because I’m still on Instagram, and Twitter has been okay ever since I created a new and more private account.
I’ve always liked social media. I’ve used it to my advantage for so long and because of that, I was able to meet and follow individuals and groups that inspire me to be more than who I am, to better myself, and be more informed. I was also able to create a network of people that I got to make friends with and even collaborated with. It’s great.
However, it also has its bad side. While I have control over what I do and how I present myself on social media, I can’t control how people perceive or think of me and what I do. And as of late, that’s been eating me. It usually doesn’t bother me, but recent happenings from the past months have created this thought. I can liken it to a parasitic worm that slowly crept in and then just started consuming the good thoughts in my mind. I know it’s a weird analogy, but that’s what I could think right now.
Additionally, some people’s words can have a lasting effect, regardless if there was the good intention behind it. I mean, come on, good intentions hardly count anymore. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.”, so they say. Which means, wrongdoings or evil actions are often masked by good intentions; or even that good intentions, when acted upon, may have unintended consequences. (Wikipedia) Instead of people peppering all their actions with good intentions, I just wish people would just simply be kinder, listen more, be considerate, more appreciative, more content, and a lot more grateful.
Anyhow, so all these thoughts bother me lately, I mean, this is aside everything else that’s been going on in my life. It’s just been too noisy recently. Even good news can be noise if you keep repeating it. So I just thought that pulling myself away from that a little bit would be good for my overall mental health.
Although, I’m afraid that this is also me self-destructing, as I always do when I go through this phase. The same thing happened back in 2015 when I made a big decision of letting go of a lot of important things in my life, and retreated back in solitude and escaped in my books. It helps in clearing out the noise most of the time.
Anyway, like I said above, I’m still on Instagram. I do still have a private account on Facebook with a few friends, but I’m only keeping that so I can keep operating my page and have people connect with me if ever they look for me. Twitter, on the other hand, is there for fun, but still private.
So for the next time that I’ll be posting here, I just aim to have fun and enjoy writing about my reading goals this year, or the travels I’m going to do or I’ve done, which I need to catch up on because I went to a lot of places for the past 2 months, and then maybe share where I am in my mindful living journey as well.
For now, I also really just want to focus on my personal life, my relationships, my family, and my future.
That’s all I want to do.